Faye & Levi

année 41, saison intermédiaire, matinée 84

Remember everything is right until it’s wrong.

Levi woke up with dread and Vassili's name on his lips. He felt something wet rolling down his face. Ah shit, he thought. It took him a moment to recognize them for what they were: tears that he was quick to crush under his closed fists. Why the man would haunt his sleep was a mystery that Levi yearned to solve just so that he could get rid of it once and for all. He sniffed, feeling extremely frustrated with himself for being so pathetic. It had been years and Levi could bet his life on the certitude that the man had moved on long ago while he was still struggling like an idiot. Vassili was happy...happier with his new son, his real son by blood or whatever. Levi knew he couldn't compete with that. It wouldn't be in this world that someone would forsake their own flesh and bone for a ruthless kid no one ever wanted. He was nobody's son, just a toy they thought they could throw away once he served his purpose. Levi hated Vassili for the hope he gave him only to snatch it away. He thought he had found a father only to end up more vanquished. Ever since his son was born, everything Levi did became laking. It's not enough, Levi. You don't understand, Levi. You're on the wrong path, Levi. Well, fuck him and his right path and his real son. Levi couldn't care less, he forced himself to think, trying hard and failing. The truth was, and he hated it more than anything,  that somehow he always yearned to hear this deep voice again, telling him that he did good, that he wasn't worthless. Levi couldn't grasp the volatility of their situation. How they went from an almost father and son relationship to...this nothingness he couldn't bear. And then he thought: fuck him. He didn't care that nobody was proud of him. He would be proud of himself instead. He made this decision years ago and he had to stick to it.

Going back to sleep wasn't an option. Dreaming of that bastard was bad as it was but closing his eyes again came with the prospect of real nightmares, the ones that left him hollow and sick for hours with unshakable sensations of foreign touches on his skin. And he didn't have to put himself through it again just because of the ghost of a dumb man who threw him away when he got a kid of his own. He had to find the strength to face this new day. So he counted to three and forced himself out of bed. He was used to sleeping less than six hours a night anyway. It was a miracle he slept in the first place. As usual, he went for the window and opened it wide, leaning on the edge, taking big deep breaths. He wasn't dressed yet, each minute passed in the freezing air of dawn stunned him. He felt hollow but it was more akin to the cold numbing his face than to the gaping hole in his heart. Soon he could not feel his nose nor the tip of his ears. He could already hear Chrom's voice in his head. You're gonna catch your death, Levi. Go back in. He did so after some more time went by.

He didn't want to go to Elain for the exact same reasons that he wished to avoid Chrom. Except that Elain knew the fucking boundaries whereas Chrom would keep pushing until Levi spoke about his problems and speaking was on top of the list of the things he wished to avoid. So no Elain and no Chrom today. Staying in all day wasn't an option either because then, he would be back to square one with them going by his place to check on him. Sometimes, sharing a bond so special with others was freaking annoying. So what if he wanted to fucking sulk all day? Maybe he was unfair to Hell. Yes, she would want to talk to him but she would try to distract him from those depressing thoughts. She'd understand. Chrom, on the other hand, was on a whole other level. He would fucking push too hard and everything would explode around them. It wasn't even that long ago since their last big brawl, so Levi'd rather dodge a new one for now.

With Moacir and Niles gone, Faye was the only one left. It was even better:  Chrom couldn't stand her. It meant that even if the medic found him with her, he would shift his focus from him to her which was exactly what he needed. It was still really early, so Levi took his time to dress himself up and at the siren's call, he went out. The training went smoothly, as expected, the weather was still cold so he hoped that no one was dumb enough to push themselves too hard. He wouldn't be here to witness it anyway. As soon as he saw Faye leaving, he fell into step behind her. He was feeling better already, nevertheless, he decided to follow his initial plan. Wanna spar with me? Or throw some knives? Or whatever, I'm down with anything. He offered by way of greeting. He was walking at her pace, letting her lead the way.